Guilt Trip, Gus' Turn to Drive
by isis-sg1
Summary: Shawn thinks it was his fault. he knows Gus will tell him that it wasn't. If only Gus would wake up...


Just a one-shot. I hope you like this!

* * *

Henry sighed loudly when the phone began to ring

_Henry sighed loudly when the phone began to ring. He lifted his hands out of the soapy water and quickly dried them on the nearest towel before striding over to the phone and picking it up. "Henry Spencer" He answered_

"_D-ad" Henry heard the catch in his son's voice and immediately knew something was wrong. _

"_Shawn? What is it?"_

"_I'm…I…" It was unusual for Shawn to be lost for words and now Henry was more than worried. _

"_Shawn where are you?" Henry asked forcefully, knowing his son always responded to it. _

"_I'm…at the hospi…hospital"_

_Henry's eyes widened "Are you okay Shawn, are you hurt?"_

"_No" Shawn mumbled, "It's…Dad it's Gus"_

Henry stepped into the waiting room, his shoes squeaking on the linoleum floor. Straight ahead of him was the nurses' station; a single nurse sat, her ear to the phone. Henry looked left and spotted Shawn, sitting in a sea of empty chairs. 'Lost' was the word that came to mind as Henry watched his son. His eyes looked unfocused and tired, something Henry had never seen in his son. Shawn was always alert, always looking at something. And he was too still; Shawn was always a bundle of energy. The Shawn sitting in front of him was motionless. His eyes narrowed at the sight of a bandage wrapped around Shawn's right wrist and gauze taped to his forehead, dry blood stuck to the side of his face. He shook his head and slowly made his way over to Shawn.

He sat down in the chair next to Shawn, not that Shawn acknowledged his presence. "Shawn?" Henry tried. "Shawn what happened?" Shawn stayed silent. "Shawn look at me" Henry ordered. Slowly Shawn's head turned towards him and Henry resisted the urge to swear at the sight of his son. "Tell me what happened."

Shawn licked his cracked lips "Car" He swallowed "Hit us from behind, sent us spinning into a tree" He answered.

"And Gus?"

"Head injury…internal bleeding…broken collar bone and leg, he's in surgery now"

"What about you?"

Shawn's eyes drifted down to his bandaged wrist "I'm fine"

It was obvious to Henry that Shawn was in shock. His best friend was in a critical condition after a major car crash.

"Mr Spencer?" A voice asked. Henry tore his eyes away from his son and looked up at the figure standing above him. Henry didn't need Shawn's observation skills to know that the man was a doctor; the white coat and nametag told him all he needed to know. "At least I'm hoping you're Henry Spencer" The man gave a slight grin.

"Yes, that's me"

The doctor held out his hand "I'm Doctor Wexler, I treated your son" Henry took the offered hand and shook it briefly. "How about we talk over there?" Wexler suggested, nodding to the far corner. Henry nodded in agreement and stood up to follow Wexler until they were out of Shawn's earshot

"How's he doing doc?" Henry asked,

"He could be better" Wexler answered honestly "He has no serious injuries, a large cut on his wrist from broken glass and he took a pretty nasty knock to the head, minor concussion"

"Doc, if you knew my son you'd know he doesn't even stay that still when he's asleep, last time he was this quiet was when he was 15 and they had to wire his jaw shut after an incident with a baseball bat"

"He's in shock, from what I've been told it took a while to cut both him and his friend out, Shawn was conscious for most of it. Now we've given him something to help him relax, he got quite agitated when we tried to move him to a bed. He insists on staying until there's word on his friend's condition. I think it's the only thing keeping him upright at the moment"

"Thanks doc"

"Nurse King has been keeping an eye on him but see if you can get him to rest will you? He's not doing himself any good right now, he needs to give his body time to heal"

"I'll try doc but the kid's stubborn"

Wexler laid his hand in Henry's arm "See what you can do, and in the meantime I'll see about getting any information on his friend"

"Gus" Henry said.

"Excuse me?"

"You keeping called him "his friend" his name is Gus"

Wexler nodded "I'll go check on Gus" He said before turning and leaving. Henry moved back to sit next to Shawn.

"Gus?" Shawn asked

Henry shook his head "Nothing yet" Shawn nodded, blinking slowly. "You're looking a little tired"

"I'm fine"

"Come on kid, you need to rest"

"I'm fine" Henry was starting to get sick of that answer.

"Look, you get a little sleep and I'll wake you up when there's news on Gus, it'll make you feel a whole lot better"

"I told you I'm- Shawn stopped and looked up as two figures rushed into the room.

Henry didn't know how Shawn had the energy to pull himself to his feet but he watched as Shawn stood up shakily.

The couple walked up to Shawn and they stared at Shawn with red eyed.

Shawn blinked before speaking "Mr and Mrs Guster" He greeted.

Bill Guster gave Shawn a quick nod "Shawn"

"Any news?" Winifred asked. It was obvious to Henry that the woman was barely holding it together.

Shawn shook his head "Sorry"

Henry looked up at his son "Shawn, sit down before you collapse" Shawn turned his head and looked down at Henry. "Before I make you sit," He added.

A normal Shawn would have rolled his eyes at that, would have some funny quip on his tongue ready. The kind of comment that reminded Henry about that invisible wall that was permanently built up between father and son. This Shawn said nothing as he descended back into the chair.

Bill and Winifred took two seats opposite, their eyes never leaving Shawn. "What happened Shawn?" Bill finally asked.

Shawn's eyes flicked up to meet Bill's "Car" Shawn told them "Gus was driving, another car came and- Shawn licked his lips and closed his eyes. "It hit us" Henry had already heard the story once and once had been enough. Going through it, then having to constantly think about it, repeat the events out loud, Henry didn't know how Shawn was holding it together. Shawn scrunched his eyes up "Spinning, the car was spinning"

"Shawn" Henry tried, this wasn't helping Shawn, he didn't need to do this.

"We got…pushed off the road, into a tree, the driver's side, into a tree" It all sounded so fragmented, like shards of moments remembered but Henry knew better. He knew that Shawn remembered every single detail from the crash. The sound of glass breaking, tires screeching, the smell of oil and blood, the sight of Gus unconscious, his head hanging limp to one side, his chest barely moving.

"Gus is a careful driver" Winifred speaks up "He never speeds, he always looks out for other cars"

Henry realised this was the start of the blame. Gus couldn't possibly be at fault for the crash, not in the Guster's eyes. That left one person to shoulder all the blame, and Shawn was already beating himself up. The urge to start an argument, to defend his son was strong but he pushed those thoughts away.

"It was dark" Henry shrugged "The other driver could have sped up and into the back of the car before Gus had a chance to react"

Winifred pursed her lips "Maybe" She replied, not really believing it.

"I should have seen the car" Shawn whispered under his breath, just loud enough for Henry to hear and wish he'd never taught Shawn anything.

Shawn hadn't moved a muscle in an hour. He was so still Henry wondered if he wasn't in some deep state of meditation, his eyes were open but he was secretly fast asleep. Henry knew his son was stubborn but the grim determination to stay awake until he knew Gus was okay was beyond anything Henry had seen.

Henry's meditation theory flew out the window when Doctor Wexler reappeared from down the corridor and Shawn's eyes flicked up and towards the young MD. Bill and Winifred rose to their feet.

"Are you the Gusters?" They nodded dumbly, their eyes wide and hopeful.

Wexler's eyes gave away nothing as he stepped closer to the couple. "I've talked the surgeons operating on your son and so far he's doing well"

Winifred whimpered at the good news. Like someone had taken some of the load off her shoulders. Some, not all.

"They've put pins in his leg to fix the break and are feeling hopeful they can stop the bleeding. He's lost a lot of blood and there's some swelling in his brain so he's not out of the woods yet, but he's still fighting, that's a good sign"

"But the swelling, it'll go away right?"

Wexler shrugged "It's too soon to tell, it could be temporary or it could be hiding something a lot more serious. The brain is a complicated and delicate organ. Once he's out of surgery he'll be put in the intensive care unit where they can keep an eye on him at all times. They'll also do regular scans of his brain but we won't know how much damage has been caused till he wakes up"

"He will wake up won't he?"

Wexler paused, and Henry knew it was because he didn't want to give the Guster's false hopes. "We're doing everything we can" It wasn't a yes or a no but it didn't seem like the Guster's noticed.

"Thank you doctor" Winifred said before dropping back into her seat.

Wexler tensed his jaw and nodded. "There's nothing any of you can do at the moment, I suggest you go get some rest" He turned and walked back down the hall, disappearing into a room.

Henry rubbed his forehead, taking a moment for himself to digest the news. Gus had always been like a surrogate son to him. Shawn and Gus spent so much of their childhood together it was easy to forget they weren't actually related. He knew exactly how Winnie and Bill were feeling; he felt the same.

Finally he pulled himself to his feet, ignoring the twinge his back gave in protest, he'd been sitting in that chair for too long. He turned and looked down at Shawn. He needed to get Shawn home and into a bed.

"Come on" He started softly "You need to get some rest"

Shawn shook his head, barely lifting his to look up at Henry. "Later."

"No" Henry replied more firmly "Now, you're coming with me if I have to throw you over my back and carry you out of here"

Shawn's eyes finally flicked up to meet Henry's "Like you even could"

"Just try me Shawn, I'll drag you by your fake-psychic shoe-laces if I have to"

Shawn sighed "Fine" he said through gritted teeth. He gripped the chair arm with his good hand, holding his bandaged wrist against his chest protectively. He pushed himself up with everything he had and took a tentative step towards his father. He'd been sitting down for so long his legs were sore and stiff.

"Come on" Henry said, placing a hand on Shawn's shoulder, gently pushing him in the direction of the hospital exit.

Shawn made it to the end of the row of chairs before his mind went fuzzy. He'd lasted on very little for so long and it had finally run out. It was too late to warn anyone; before he could say anything his legs turned to jelly and his head began to spin. Throwing out his arm, he gripped Henry's bicep before his eyes rolled up and he fell backwards limply.

Henry felt the weak grip on his arm just moments before he felt Shawn fall. "Shawn!" He managed to cup the back of Shawn's head as he fell backwards, stopping Shawn from doing more damage to himself. Henry knelt by Shawn and shook him, "Shawn?" He looked up and saw Winnie and Bill standing over him with similar worried expressions. "I need some help!" Henry shouted.

Two nurses in sea green scrubs appeared from down the corridor, Dr. Wexler not far behind. "Grab a gurney" He asked one of the nurses as he knelt down by Shawn. He pressed two fingers against Shawn's neck and felt for a pulse. He looked up at Henry and nodded. "He's fine, he's just collapsed from exhaustion" The gurney appeared and the nurses lifted Shawn and placed him carefully onto it. "I new this would happen" Wexler sighed as the gurney was pushed down the corridor. Wexler turned to face Henry "He's going to be admitted" He said "We'll give him an IV with some fluids and a mild sedative and give him time to re-charge his batteries, he'll be bouncing around in no time" He assured. "I'll get a nurse to show you to his room once he's settled" He added before turning and following in the direction of the gurney.

Henry dropped into the nearest seat; the evening was turning into a nightmare.

Shawn felt the pinch in his arm from the IV before anything else. He made a fist, tensing his arm until the catheter jerked. His eyes still felt heavy as they slowly cracked open, taking in the hospital room instantly. It was light outside and Shawn wondered how long he'd been asleep. He blinked slowly as he tried to remember how he'd ended up in the bed, he was sure he had come out of the accident with a busted wrist and a sore head; nothing that meant he had to be admitted.

Thoughts of the accident reminded him that his best friend was in a much worse state that him. "Hey!" He called. His voice was still raw and husky from sleep and cleared his throat before trying again. "Nurse? Anyone?" Still no response. He looked around and spotted a button by the side of the bed. The call button was just in reach and Shawn leant over and slapped the button clumsily.

A minute later a young nurse entered the room. She smiled as soon as she saw Shawn was awake. "Morning sleepy head" She greeted.

"How long have I been asleep?" Shawn asked as she poured him a small cup of water and handed it to him carefully. He took it and swallowed the cool liquid greedily.

"About 18 hours, another two hours and you would have won me twenty bucks"

Shawn frowned "Sorry about that" He replied, putting the empty cup down on the side.

"How are you feeling?" She asked, gripped his wrist to take his pulse.

"Okay, I guess" Shawn answered. He'd only just woken up and found he'd been asleep for nearly a day, how was he supposed to be feeling?

"You must be hungry, why don't I fetch you a little something to eat while you wait for Doctor Wexler?" She grinned again. Shawn nodded "Great, don't you go anywhere" She joked as she walked you the room, her hips swaying.

Shawn fell back against the pillows with a sigh. He didn't want to wait for food or his doctor. He wanted to go see Gus. He needed to see for himself that he was still alive, who knows what he had missed while he was asleep.

He pulled himself upright and gripped the edge of the covers, yanking them up and throwing them down to the end of the bed. The bundle of covers was kicked away completely and Shawn threw his legs over the side of the bed.

"And what the hell do you think you are doing?" A familiar voice asked and Shawn's head snapped up. His father stood tall at the door, a cup of steaming coffee in his hand.

"What does it look like I'm doing?" Shawn replied, pushing himself off the bed and landing on the cold linoleum floor. His legs gave in immediately and he heard his father swear seconds before a strong arm came around his waist and pulled him up.

"You're weak, you should be resting," Henry said as he helped Shawn back up onto the bed.

"I've done enough resting, I want to see Gus"

"You've been asleep for a while Shawn, give your body time to wake up properly before you go walk about"

"Dad"

"Shawn" Henry quickly replied. Father and son stared at each other in a stalemate.

"I am going to see Gus" Shawn said firmly.

"Not until Doctor Wexler says you can"

"Dad!" Shawn tried again.

"Gus needs his rest even more than you do Shawn" Henry said, ignoring the whining sound Shawn made. "Have a little patience, you and him aren't going anywhere anytime soon"

Shawn looked at Henry pleadingly "I need to see him dad" He said softly "Please, I need to see that he's okay"

Henry remembered a seven-year-old Shawn finding an injured bird in the garden. Shawn begged him to let him keep it until it was better. The exact same pleading expression on his face, wide honest eyes looking up at him.

"The Doc'll be here soon" Henry said softly. He could understand what Shawn was feeling, and a part of him wanted to let Shawn go but the last thing he wanted was for Shawn to collapse again, once was enough.

Shawn sighed loudly and sagged, accepting that he'd lost the argument. His father was just as stubborn as he was, plus he was standing in-between him and the door, even he wasn't stupid enough to try getting past him.

His eyes fell to the IV and he played with the tubing until his father batted his hand away. No matter what his father said, he was still restless and itching to see Gus. It wasn't enough to know he was still alive. He hadn't seen his best friend since the accident.

Shawn perked up when the door swung open and Wexler appeared with an easy grin. "Well hello Mr Spencer, good sleep?"

"Not bad" Shawn shrugged "How about you tell my dad I'm _fine_ so I can get out of this place and see Gus"

Wexler chuckled "I'll see what I can do, no promises though, quite a stressful twenty four hours you've had" Wexler lifted his finger up "Follow my finger with your eyes" He instructed, moving his finger side to side and watching Shawn's reactions. "Good, can you stand up for me?"

Shawn shuffled forward and dropped his feet back onto the floor. He wobbled for a second before pulling himself upright. "See? Fine"

Wexler hummed. "I see no reason why I can't discharge you, just take it easy for a day or two okay?"

"Yes doc" Shawn replied happily as Wexler disconnected Shawn from the IV.

"I do not want to see you back here again anytime soon, you're file's already twice the size of Rick Brentman's" Wexler said as he made his way back to the door.

Shawn frowned "Rick Brentman?"

Wexler looked over his shoulder at Shawn and grinned, "He's a stuntman" He explained before disappearing out the door.

Shawn turned and looked at his father "See? I'm fine, that was just a waste of time"

Henry rolled his eyes. He turned around and reached for a bag sitting on a chair in the corner. He handed the bag to Shawn. "Here, I swung by your place this morning and picked up some clean clothes"

Shawn looked down at the bag in his hands and then up at his father "Thanks" he said sincerely.

"You're welcome" Henry nodded "I'll just be waiting outside then I'll show you where Gus is" Henry turned and left, giving Shawn privacy.

Shawn pulled off the humiliating backless gown they'd stuck him in and pulled on the clean clothes quickly. Shawn was actually surprised his father had actually found clean clothes in his apartment. He checked his hair in the small mirror. It was sticking up at all angles like it did every morning but without product there was little he could do to tame it. He ran his fingers through it a couple of times before pulling the door open and joining his father in the corridor.

"Ready?" Henry asked.

"As I'll ever be," Shawn replied, pushing his hands into his trouser pockets.

"Come on" Henry nodded his head down the corridor "He's this way" He started down the corridor, not waiting for Shawn to follow him; he knew he wasn't far behind. He led Shawn down the corridor and then down a flight of stairs. The floor below was set out exactly the same and Henry walked halfway up the hallway before stopping outside a room.

Shawn met him at the door and stared at the closed door. "He's in there?" He asked.

Henry nodded in confirmation. "I'd get in and out quick if I was you, The Guster's were with him all night. They've gone home to shower and change but they should be back soon," Henry advised "I'll be waiting out here when you're finished" Shawn didn't want to be here when the Guster's arrived. He knew what they thought of him, he'd heard what they'd said the night before and it was obvious that they blamed him. The last thing he wanted was for them to get a second chance to make Shawn feel more guilty than he already did.

Shawn swallowed hard before he gripped the door handle tightly and slowly opened the door. The room was exactly the same as his room, completely white and devoid of any comforts. Gus' body stood out against the stark white sheets that were pulled up to his chest. If it hadn't been for the IV and the nasal canula, he would have looked like he was just asleep in bed. Just like Shawn remembered when he snuck into Gus' room early one the morning to be there when his friend woke up and freak him out.

Shawn sat down in the chair beside the bed and rested his elbows on the covers. "Gus" He sighed.

"_Dude"_

"_Don't dude me__,__ Shawn" Gus replied angrily. _

"_How was I supposed to know we'd end up in traffic for two hours?"_

"_I don't know Shawn__,__ but checking the traffic report would have been useful!"_

"_Hey, its not my fault a sugar truck toppled over and spilt its contents all over the freeway!"_

_Gus shook his head "I __thought__ I was gonna fall into a diabetic coma from just looking at it!"_

"Come on Gus" Shawn grinned, "Admit it, you enjoyed today"

"_If __by '__enjoyed' you mean getting dragged out of work to drive to Ventura to talk to a distant relative of the victim who had severe dementia and thought we were her grandsons__, __then getting stuck in traffic and missing the first episode of the new season of Duos__, __then yes, I enjoyed today"_

"_Don't forget waiting half an hour at the drive-thru for smoothies" Shawn added before taking a sip of the yellow smoothie in his hand. Gus' sickly green smoothie hadn't been touched. _

He stared at the slight rise and fall of Gus' chest, reminding himself over and over again that Gus was still alive.

_Gus carefully turned onto another road. They were nearly home and Gus was glad. He was tired and hungry and it was dark outside. He'd missed most of the day on another one of Shawn's "trips" and he wasn't happy about it. _

"I am so sorry Gus" Shawn began. "I know I drag you into a lot of things and you come only because I've asked you too and I know I say sorry a lot and not really mean it, but this time I mean it. It was my idea to go out to Ventura, we should have never gone. If we hadn't you wouldn't be here right now"

"_I just want to get home and- Gus didn't get to finish what he was saying. The whole car lurched forward as something pushed into the back of them. Tires screeched as Gus' stamped down hard on the break but the car behind didn't stop ramming into them. _

_It all happened so quickly. The car behind caught them at an angle and the road was slick with rainwater from earlier. Gus could do nothing to stop the car from spinning and he screamed like a girl as the car span off the edge of the road and collided hard with a tree. _

"Your parents blame me" Shawn started, tilting his head to one side "They didn't say it exactly but I know what they were thinking. It's always me they blame when you get into trouble. After a while you start to believe it" Shawn licked his lips and swallowed "It's hard not to……….I never _ever_ meant for you to get hurt, I never mean for you to get into trouble or get hurt" Shawn's eyes itched and he rubbed at them furiously until they were red. "Doesn't matter though, I've still caused all of this…'ts why I'm so sorry, you have to believe me on that"

_Shawn came to and groaned loudly, his head hurt and his whole body ached. He cracked open his eyes. He was covered in shattered glass and leaves. He grimaced as he twisted his neck round to check on Gus. His eyes widened at the sight of Gus, also covered in glass. His head was hanging limply to one side and his breathing sounded funny. _

"_Gus?" He said, his voice cracked. "Gus?" He called a little louder. No answer came. _

"_Hey!" Someone shouted but Shawn was still too confused to answer. "Hold on okay! I've called 911 help'll be here soon!"_

"_Gus…please, wake up" Gus didn't move a muscle. _

"Please wake up" Shawn sighed loudly, murmuring another apology. He slouched into the chair and closed his eyes, wishing the vivid memories of the crash would leave his mind. He was so lost in the memories he hadn't noticed how Gus' breathing had changed or that his eyes had slowly fluttered open.

"Hey" Shawn's head snapped up and his eyes widened when he saw Gus was awake. The friends stared at each other for a second, "It wasn't your fault" Gus said a moment later, his voice still rough from sleep.

"But" Shawn dropped his eyes to the floor "But I-

"I know…..It wasn't your fault" Gus repeated more firmly.

Shawn nodded silently. He wasn't guilt free yet, and he knew it would be a while until he was. Knowing Gus was awake with no apparent head injury was already a heavy weight off his shoulders. It felt good to know Gus didn't blame him at all, although he knew his friend would milk his injuries for all they were worth until her was better. For once Shawn was okay with playing slave for a while.

He have a half shrug at his friend "I would have brought you some pineapple but I collapsed from exhaustion and only woke up twenty minutes ago"

Gus rolled his eyes "Excuses, excuses"

"Dude it was like a scene out of St. Elsewhere" Shawn considered it for a second "Except without Mark Harmon or Ed Begley Jr."

"Every time one of us is in the hospital you compare it to St. Elsewhere"

"Come on Gus, you know you thought Nurse Rosenthal was hot"

"I Did not"

Shawn grinned "Did too"

"Did not"

"Did too" …………….


End file.
